Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
