hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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