I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
love makes seman taste better
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
