I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
