u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
