i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
