It's Friday. Sex?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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