the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
