just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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