sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
