ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
