Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
