Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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