The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
