thus making me awesome and them whores
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize