...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
