we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
