At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
