Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
