dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
