Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
