I cannot find my penis.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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