I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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