you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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