Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
