Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
