Don't make out with my wife yet
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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