I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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