you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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