I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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