On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
