i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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