the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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