i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
