It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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