dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
the condom got lost in my hair
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
