Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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