4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize