I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
