white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
