Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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