I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
