You're completely useless in the revolution.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
