You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize