oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize