I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I want her autograph on my taint
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Randomize
