I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
