How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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