I want to make a zoo with you.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
