i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
