I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
