I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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