Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
