I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Buhtt sex?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
