My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
