Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
