he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
