just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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