We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Are these your boobs on my camera?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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