ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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