I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
