Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
