Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
