but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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