I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
