we're blogging at a bar
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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