I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The Olympian is in my bed
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
