Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
