Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
