my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
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