I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You can't special order awesome
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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