Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
