Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
