whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
