I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
