He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
