i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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