I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Randomize
