Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
