o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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