You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she peed on how many people?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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