May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
