my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
