There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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