Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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