i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
