is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
