Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize