I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
