my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
